There are still days I struggle with baggage over my mother’s death. There was much left undone, unsaid, unacknowledged. Because that was how she wanted it. Her passing left behind things that had been hidden or glossed over for many, many years. Don’t get me wrong. She was a great lady who made a difference in many lives. But she (as are we) was human.
Sometimes I think I should have one big blow-out melt-down and be done with it. That that would wipe the slate clean and I could move on. The converse thought is that if I allow the melt-down I might never climb out of the pit.
One of my IRL friends has shared that she was surprised I was still not “over” my mother’s death. I guess it is coming up on seven months now. Mom had been sick for over three years and in this friend’s opinion I should be moving forward. As in done with it.
The problem with losing a loved one (or having any other large life trauma, like divorce, major health issue or job loss) is that it is your sorrow and not someone else’s. Life does march on and we have to keep marching or get left far behind. Our society we doesn’t dwell on the past much and our own lives are so complicated it is hard to remember the thorns someone else is trying to remove from their heart. We’re past it, we aren’t thinking about it, so it comes as a surprise that our (possibly close) friend is still struggling. We’re encouraged as a society to put a good face on it and this too shall pass.
My friend surprised me with her attitude because she is someone who others turn to for advice. But she is not a Christian and would never consider Christian wisdom a viable thought when addressing needs. So I suppose that plays into it. And since I’ve known her for over a third of my life and it’s not really a new thing about her, I’m surprised I’m surprised. But it caught me off guard. She’s a good person with some good qualities, but with very defined and rigid ideas of how things should be.
I think I am moving forward, but apparently not at the pace my friend would like. I have some really good “normal” days. And then I have some others. It’s only been in the last month or so I was able to start sorting photos to scan and many items my father gave me were left in boxes until I could face them. I tried, probably to early, to address some of this before and just wasn’t able. But with time and faith and a loving God time will move on and I will too.
I am grateful my husband has a good job, I am grateful my husband has a good job, I am grateful my husband has a good job…but…and you heard that coming didn’t you?
My husband is on the road again. He was gone a few days last week and will be gone for the largest part of this week. He works from home (telecommuting) about 75-85% of the time. So when he travels it really changes our lifestyle. And I miss him and the boys miss him. So I am grateful my husband has a good job and I am grateful that he’s home most of the time. And I am grateful I have such a great guy to miss.
Signs of spring are appearing slowly and I am so grateful. Winter seemed so long this year. And it wasn’t what one would call a “bad” winter for us. I think I am just getting old. Spring is my second favorite season (fall being the first) and it is fun to have noticeable changes to watch daily.
I am grateful for people who are nice to my boys.
The sweet lady who sat behind us in church last night blessed me. Our church family is huge (over 2000 families) and there is no way to know everyone. So when someone steps out and makes an effort to be kind it is such a blessing. She stopped us after Mass and asked if she was correct in remembering our boys had been welcomed into full membership of the Church on Easter Vigil. (She was correct. :) ) Then she proceeded to tell us how nice it was to see young men who were able to focus during worship and be so obviously interested the liturgy. She had something nice to say about each boy individually.
I was grateful she didn’t witness how “wonderfully”(not) the boys behaved in the car ride to the airport (for a rental car for my husband) last night. I am grateful my boys know when it is most important to use their best manners. It affords them several “byes” at home when the manners may fail.
We went to dinner at our favorite place last night after picking up the rental. (I was grateful not to have to cook!) One of the servers (not ours last night) is a beautiful young woman who consistently appears happy and friendly. She made it a point to stop by our table and talk to the boys & to tell us how much she likes to see them. She always makes us smile. Right before our food arrived, Roo (very uncharacteristically) spilled an almost full glass. He was embarrassed and near tears. She came over and put her arm around him and told him not to worry and things like that happened to other people all the time.
I need to remember how special it is when someone takes the time to speak kind and uplifting words. I need to do this more often for others. Just a few kind words can change a person’s entire day. That is my challenge for this week; to try to bless someone with just a few seconds of my time.